Feel Again

After the crazy year, I’ve had I never really thought that I’d find someone. Boy after boy. Lie after lie. My feelings getting hurt more than should have. I honestly wasn’t look for someone that could accept me for me and love me for it. I wasn’t looking for someone to stand by my stand during the tough times. I wasn’t looking for someone who actually cared about me. I wasn’t looking for any of it but I guess God had his own plan. 

It’s funny how things work out. Somehow in all the odds, I ended up with a pretty great guy. He’s such a loving, caring, sweetheart who my family already loves. We spent time fighting our feelings and wanting the “real deal”. But in the end, we realized it wasn’t worth all the trouble of fighting it. Ever since we decided that, life has been wonderful. God keeps showing us signs that yes we should be together and yes we should be happy. 

It’s amazing to sit back and watch God work. Watch His plan. He has everything figured out exactly how he wants it to pan out. So the next time you feel like you’re never going to find someone, the next time you feel like you’re going to cut off his head, the next time you don’t remember the excuse you keep making, remember God has a plan. He only dishes out what He knows you can handle. 

So sit back. Enjoy the ride. And most importantly remember it’s okay to feel again. Image

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growing up sucks!

Grow up they say. It’ll be fun they say….

Well let me tell you growing up isn’t everything it’s cut out to be. Sure you have more freedom and more things you can do but you have so much more responsibility and more things you can mess up at. 

This summer, I’ll be working at least 2 jobs probably 3 cause you know my parents will rope me in working at the orchard when I’m not working the other two. So that means goodbye friends, free time, and sleep. This summer is going to be so different from last. Last summer, I had no worries, I worked but I still had lots of time with my friends, and I got to go to Florida with my aunt, uncle, and favorite brother. This summer, I get to work, work, and work some more. I now have bills to pay, less time to spend with my friends cause they’re all working their butts off too, and less sleep. I’m gonna miss sleeping in. 😦

It’s so hard to stay positive when the world around you seems so negative. 

I just gotta keep reminding myself that it’s gonna be worth it in the end. I’m going to have the second best year of college with all my friends. I’m going to actually study what I want. I’m finally going to get to sleep in…hopefully!

As much as growing up sucks, it’s…..nope still sucks. I wish my biggest worry was what outfit I’m gonna get dirty today by playing the yard and what color crayon to use in my coloring book. 

Time of our lives

When people ask what year I’m in school and I say I’m a freshmen in college, they’re always like “What!? You can’t be that old!!” then they go on to say “I remember those days. Those we’re the best days of my life. I guess I never took them too seriously. 

Maybe I should have because I’m getting ready to finish my freshmen in college in about 2 weeks. O_o

Holy smokes!!! I can’t believe how fast this past year has gone. It feels like yesterday I was nervous as heck and I didn’t want to leave home at all. But now I’m here. I have so many amazing friends and I feel like I have the world at my feet. 

Yeah I don’t have everything in my life all together. I may stress about school and money and all the little things. But honestly, I can do whatever I want. I have so many opportunities. I have so many possibilities. The best part is I have a great support system, who support me with whatever I do. 

Yeah I should be studying but I’m not going to spend all my days wasting away in the library or in my room studying. Remember this is the time of our lives. We will never have these exact people, the same opportunities, and we may never see tomorrow. 

So live it up! Have fun. Go and have fun with friends. That paper can wait just a bit longer. Make the memories & friends you want to have for the rest of your life. This is the time of OUR lives. 

 

 

focus on the good

Bad things happen every day. They can be small or they can be quite large. Someone gets hurt, someone gets a broken heart, someone fails a test, someone gets fired, someone doesn’t have enough money. All these things are considered the bad in life. While these things are all bad, we shouldn’t focus on them. 

If we spend so much time worrying about the bad things & focusing on how bad our lives are, then we’re going to miss out on all the good stuff. 

Like spending time with friends and family, enjoying the weather, seeing God’s creation around us, meeting new people, enjoying ourselves without a care in the world. 

 

Enjoy the little things. Like the sunshine, nature’s beauty, time relaxing, the fact that it’s FRIDAY, lunch with good friends, home cooked meals. 

Focus on the good in life and maybe life wouldn’t be that bad. Image

when you become numb

Ever feel the snowball effect? When things just keep coming up, one thing right after another? yeah that’s how I feel. I feel like I get bits and pieces of life together just to have other parts fall apart. Yeah I know that my life isn’t all magically going to be put together all at once. And I know that thing’s aren’t always going to be so together. But it’d be nice to have a break. 

I’ve become numb to the pain. I’m not angry. I’m not sad. I’m not happy. I’m not anything on the ray of emotion. I’m just numb. I feel like I can’t feel. I hate hurting people. I hate disappointing them. I hate how some things turn out. But in the end you just have to deal with it. Which is what I’m trying to do. It’s hard though.

Right now the numbness is a good thing. But I don’t wanna be numb forever.

I’m gonna wanna feel again. I’m gonna wanna feel that love. I’m gonna wanna feel like I can be my true self again. That old spunky Rachel. I’m gonna want her back. 

But right now, I just can’t be. 

 

be more awesome

The kid president knows what he’s talking about. He’s like what 7 and he knows more about like than I do and I’m 19!

“…and I took the road less traveled and it HURT man…” your path may hurt but it could lead  to something really great. 

“What if Micheal Jordan had quit? He would have never made Space Jam and I love Space Jam. What’ll be your Space Jam?” Never give up. Try your hardest. If you give up, you’ll never know if you’re gonna make something as awesome as Space Jam. 

“This is your time, this is my time, this is our time.” Our time is now. Time to work. Time to play. Time to make a difference. Time to make yourself proud. 

Make the world awesome. Sometimes we just need a kid to tell us how it is.

If you haven’t watched the “Kid President Pep Talk” then you probably should. Like right now. Seriously do it. 

Remember be more awesome! (:Image

open ended questions

What is my purpose? Why am I here? Why now? What the heck am I doing with my life? 

I pretty much ask myself these questions on a daily basis. You would think after all this time of pondering these burdening questions I’d have the answers by now. Welp I don’t have all the answers and neither do you. Even if we did have all the answers, they’d change. Our lives change daily. Our society changes daily. 

It kinda scares me that I don’t know where life will lead me. But I just have to trust God. I know He knows what he’s doing. He has a mighty master plan for each of our lives. So even if I don’t have an answer to all the open ended questions, it’ll all be okay.